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Scroll down to November 22 for something new. Merry Christmas!

My Life Chronicles, December 4, 2009

Beginning of the day: 0523 - 0740

Fridays are early mornings because I commute out of town for clinical practice and have to be there before 0700. And, with blizzard warnings forecasting storms to hit during the night, today started earlier than usual.

At 0600 ish I was in the parking lot... but my car battery was completely dead. Like the kind of dead that happens when you leave-an-interior-light-on-3-days-ago dead.

Not once in my 6 am commutes have I seen someone in the parking lot, but today there was a stranger passing through. And said stranger just happened to have an Eliminator battery charger from Canadian Tire with him. He hooked me up and in a half hour I was good to go. I drove to clinical amazed at God's care for me.

Middle of the day: 1605

When I returned from clinical today, it was impossible to park my vehicle in our building's parking lot. You see, it has a very steep slope that I sometimes gear down to first for in the middle of summer to prevent stalling. It is also a right angle turn from a downwards hill to an upwards hill, which icy roads don't cater to very well. So I bypassed it and went and parked on an off street.

End of the day: 2245 - 0100

I headed out into the storm, (still raging, in it's 17th hour), and saw tire tracks. SOMEONE had made it up the driveway. My pride told me "You can too!" My pride either ignored or forgot the fact that I drive an economy car sans winter tires. (Sigh... Oh 4 runner how I miss thee! Let me count the ways...) So after barely getting out of my socked-in parking spot, I manoeuvred my way around the block. Getting traction was almost impossible. My pride overruled that observation too.

I did not make it up the driveway. Instead, I came about 18 inches from hitting a parked Acura as my steel box careened sideways down the street. Thankfully the wooden planters and "no parking" sign saved me. (The no parking sign didn't make it. R.I.P.)

The next hour involved getting my building manager up, a random stranger offering help, waiting until the Acura moved, praying for wisdom, and then breaking-the-whole-way-but-still-sliding down the hill and safely slipping into an illegal parking lot at the bottom of the hill. Who would ticket anyone on a day like today, right? Just to be safe, I also put "the club" on my vehicle - incase some ambitious thief wanted to shovel out my Vibe and go for a 5 km/hr joyride.

From that parking lot I walked home by myself, marveling at the beauty of this warm and beautiful snowy night, and the One who made it all.

The End

Lest we forget.

I was in a restaurant with my sister celebrating her birthday. A busy place, it was filled with the noise of tinkling cutlery, clinking cups, and conversation. But in moment, a hush fell over the place. Conversations ended, and people stopped fidgeting. This unrehearsed act of respect took place when the radio cut out to the sound of a bugle sounding out "The Last Post" on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month. A myriad of unrelated strangers collectively paused and payed respect to the sacrifice of life that had bought our freedom and ended World War I 81 years ago.

Now, the signing of the Armistice did not prevent World War II, nor did it prevent Canadian soldiers from being involved in several other missions since. I cannot even imagine the disappointment and frustration of the WWI veterans when Canada went to war on a global scale a second time, just 21 years later. One generation was all it took for the treaty to be breached - the children of the veterans would now be going to war. For both of those generations, that must have been horrifying. The more I thought about this, the more I wished that the Armistice would have been once and for all.

And the more I got thinking about that "once for all", the more I was reminded of... Christmas. I thought of the war that has raged through the ages, between good and evil; between love and hate; between freedom and bondage. And my heart was touched again by how this God of heaven became flesh and dwelt among us, led us by example in His life, and paid the price for sin with His death.

Seems too good to be true, doesn't it?

Now neither the crucifixion of Jesus, nor His resurrection in 3 days, put an end to bloodshed on earth. Battles still rage in the same war that started in the beginning. But the promise of that event ensured the future; the war was already won.

So on November 11th, I remembered the soldiers who lost and risked their lives for my freedom; the apples of God's eye that Evil sought to destroy; the civilians who were brave enough to risk all that they had to bring freedom to the persecuted, and who rose against the invaders of their lands. I remember them... and I am thankful.

I remember also that this very hour, there are places on this earth that Evil still reigns, that soldiers still die, that people are still persecuted, and civilians still act with immeasurable bravery.

And most of all, as Christmas is now upon us, I remember that the tears and the trials and the pain of this life are all temporary. For a long time ago, a baby was born of a virgin and was laid in a manger. The chastisement of our peace was upon Him. By His stripes we are healed. Lest we forget.

Not so different

This is an old story... it happened two years ago. But lately, I've been remembering it, so thought I would share it with you! What follows is a journal entry from living in Cyprus.

She is a tiny Sri-Lankan woman who lives somewhere in this neighbourhood. She shops at the same 24 hour kiosk I do - we arrived and left at the same time. When she stopped to pick some jasmine flowers it touched me - it is exactly something I would do. She rolled the blossoms in her hand to release the scent and she drank it in. I love doing that. So I made a comment with my hands about how beautiful the smell was. She smiled and agreed.

So we walked together for a block or so, no common language to unite us further. But as we parted ways I put my hand to my chest and said "Sandra". She repeated my name with some delight and pressed her own hand to her chest. "Chanda", she said.

This encounter reminded me we are all more the same than different. Because of Jasmine flowers one beautiful night, I was given the opportunity to really see her. For those minutes, it was like we really knew each other. We were both struck by the beauty of a flower and the amazement of having the same name. We are not so different, of course, when we were made in the same image.

Another archive published at last!

Scroll down to August 7, 2009. And that's also a 7-8-9, depending on how you order things!

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Scroll down to July 8, 2009... that's 7.8.9 :)

How He loves us so.

He is jealous for me

Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree

Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy

When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory

and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me.

Oh, how He loves us so

Oh, how He loves us

How He loves us so. (x2)

Yeah, He loves us

Whoa, how He loves us

Whoa, how He loves us

Whoa, how He loves. (x2)

We are His portion and He is our prize,

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes

If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking

So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest

I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

He loves us,

Whoa, how He loves us

Whoa, how He loves us

Whoa, how He loves us so

Been loving this song lately... makes me think about what that really means - God loving us. How does that play out in real life? How should it affect my understanding of God? How would He lead me with His love? How does He want to satiate me with His love? How does He want me to delight in His love? I am perplexed and I am amazed when I wonder about it all.

This song was written by John Mark McMillan the morning after his best friend was killed in a car accident. It tells the story of that friend coming into the presence of God on the other side of eternity. Neither his afflictions nor regrets hold him back from fully receiving the love God has for him.

I wonder sometimes about how much that heaven can be lived on earth. There will definitely be MORE of that realization in heaven, face to face with the One who loves us so. But on earth, He has given us enough that we should not lack any good thing. I don't understand the magnitude of all that it means... even now I've typed and erased several lines in attempting to sum up His abundance for us on earth; but it's too much for me to understand. So for now, in the midst of wanting to understand more, I'm simply going to enjoy the truth therin. May it touch your heart to its deepest parts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AIF_ieVre0&feature=related

English 101

Synonyms are words that mean the same thing but are spelled differently. Following examples are things that do not mean the same thing but we often want to believe they do. (And yes, in example 1 the word is also spelled the same way... if you are staunch about synonyms, please forgive me ;) )

1 - Fear of God and fear of anything else. Often we are "led" by our fears. Fear of failure; fear of rejection; fear of the unknown; fear of pain; fear of being like Ezekiel (a very odd prophet of the Old Testament.) In this case, fear and fear do not mean the same thing. They are opposite roads that don't travel in the same direction. One is the road to easy living; the other to fullness of life. The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom. Any other kind of fear is not.

2 - Wisdom and Reasoning. These are not always opposites, but it is important to seek the Lord for every new thing. Situations are not cookie-cutter... solutions aren't either. So often it is a pseudo-wisdom that leads away from fearing God and towards wisdom of men reasoning the circumstances. Man's wisdom is paralyzing or distracting. God's wisdom leads us in the way that we should go.

3 - Rest and Sloth. For 2 years now, I know that God has been leading me into a place of physical rest. Sleeping regular hours, limiting commitments, making room for Him in my life. Really teaching me about the consequences of unnecessary busyness. Having often lived in disobedience to this command, let me tell you that rest and sloth are not the same. If you want to know how to pray for me, this is it. I hate wasting time and I am presupposed to wasting time... it is a cyclic battle I fight most days.

4 - Joy and Happiness. The difference was described to me as "Happiness depends on happenings; but joy is what remains when there are no reasons to be happy". At the same time, I believe that God wants us to be happy, because He loves us. But He can give the miracle of joy in an absence of reasons to be happy.

5 - Peace and Complacency. Doubt, guilt, and regret can all survive in a harmonious atmosphere. Peace can survive anywhere.

6 - Hope and Wishing. Hope does not disappoint. Wishing sometimes does. As a dreamer and a visionary, I struggle with this often. I forget to reserve my hope for God alone. I don't know how to balance believing in people but not hoping in them, but think this is something He wants to teach me more about.

7 - Faith and Freedom - Where the Spirit of the LORD is, there is freedom. And that LORD is with us wherever we go. So whether it's a physical place or a circumstance, it's important to have our hearts in a clear conscience towards the God who has given us freedom and is with us wherever we go. This is so very different from using faith as a license to sin, under the auspices of the freedom He has given us. It's not so much the where as it is the heart.

So there's English 101. Pretty basic stuff. Here's praying for fear, wisdom, rest, joy, peace, hope and faith to each of you!

Not even this...

They can be moments; they can be seasons; they can seem like lifetimes. They are the seconds, the minutes, the hours, that we spend wishing away. They are most likely difficult, uncomfortable, or seem empty. They may be wished away because of what we convince ourselves is "hope" for better in the future... then things will be really good. In those places, we don't want now - we want then. Sometimes "then" is past, and other times it is future. Now becomes nothing more than the product of the past and the means to the future... and that future -if we let ourselves - we will spend wishing away too.

My lesson on this front came in the middle of the night shift. Now, if you are a shift worker, or a parent, or a myriad of other vocations that leave you unwillingly sleep deprived, you will understand what I mean by exhaustion. Your body begs you to sleep; your mind concurs; your everything is weak. And it was in the middle of a night shift, coming into anticipated days off, that I heard God speak to me about time. "Not even this..." He said... "not even this should you wish away." Don't wish for a faster passing of time to get to your bed. Don't wish even this long, dreary, and difficult time away.

That early morning He gave me the gift of being able to see the temporal things around me, that I need to cherish in that moment; place of life stuff. You can insert your own blessings here, but mine included: nieces young; family in good health; a body that is still good to me; good friends in close proximity; little heartache. So many blessings; so much to be thankful for. All things that will be lost eventually in the passing of time. All seasons that will pass away someday. All things that I need to treasure more. That is what now is for.

Love it more

I'm back in school these days... settling back into routine... sleeping regular hours again... getting ready for another bout into what, once again, feels like my "new" life (though it's already been 9 months). I started this post months ago, back in July, when my new life was much like my old life in some ways. Working back at my old job in dispatch for the summer was the same. Commuting was different. It was a time in my life when I was thinking a lot about the things I love to do; the things that remind me who I am... and thinking about how my life was too busy & I was too tired to be involved in them. That stage of life did not cater to hiking trips and leisurely summer days. The stage I'm in now does not contribute well to experiencing the world outside of this city. And though I have a few WONDERFUL friends here, my life isn't as socially connected with games nights, a group, a sense of social belonging as it once was... long long ago now it seems.

It was in the midst of the mourning and the wishing that I understood... whatever remains, I must love more. What are the remnants in this city life; this student's budget; this place in life... what that I love is still alive in this place? I can't replace anything; not the mountains, not the laughter in the games nights, not the vulnerability of our Bible study group, not the long summer nights on the dock with the silence and the stars, not the deep friendships nor opportunities He has afforded me in different places of the world. I am here now. And with every shred of my being I need to love it more... and love it now.

As I write this, I am so sure of the fact that I am known... God has not forgotten me. He knows what delights me; He remembers what makes my heart rejoice, even when I am unsure or have forgotten. Those things I will discover in this place, or whatever place He takes me to in the months and years ahead. This post is not to sound forlorn... but an encouragement that wherever we are there is more than enough: to delight your heart; to make your soul rejoice; to give you new eyes in the same circumstances. The Lord your God is with you wherever you go... or wherever you stay.

Hypothetically...

 Hypothetically speaking... has anyone ever had their armpit(s) froth after a run (or other sweaty activity)?  I am (hypothetically) suspecting that the shirt I was (hypothetically) wearing didn't have all the soap washed out of it.  Just wondering if, (hypothetically), this has ever happened to anyone else?  Frothy armpit(s) on a run, anyone?

Embarrassed

It was only a handful of coins... about $4 worth, I think.  You know, the ones at the bottom of your purse or your pocket that clink when you walk and you dig through every now and then for exact change.  Maybe organized people even save them and roll them once in a while, I don't know.

This morning in church they took the monthly benevolent offering.  Money specifically for those in our church who don't have enough for the basics.  When they made the announcement, my heart was prompted to give, but when I reached for my wallet it wasn't there... it was at home.  So I remembered the change pocket and thought about it, but when it came down to the swirl of activity of offering plates and awkwardness, the change I was holding in my hand didn't make it in.

Do you want to know why?  Bottom line: because I was embarrassed.  Embarrassed of a handful of change, of the sound it would make, of what it would look like to put coins in a plate filled with paper.  I justified it all the way home, "it's only a few dollars; God knows your heart and that you wanted to give; you'll give another time" kind of talk.  But you know, God prompted me to give today... and so that means with whatever was in my hand today.  

I wonder what He wanted to do with it... maybe buy me some faith?  I am hoping today will service to give me courage for next time - to look more outwardly than inwardly, and not be embarrassed about what I've been given to give.

Perseverance

Perseverance... is for when it is hard.

This is one of the lessons of my last few years of living.  I have learned it well, and not because I have succeeded, but because I have failed.  God took me on a journey, stripped me of things that founded my faith besides Him - ideologies, good ideas, areas of my life I thought God would never touch if He really loved me - those have been shaken.  And in the midst of it all I wondered if the plans God had for my life were really full of a future of hope.  I wondered if I was a pawn that only purposed to serve those He really loved.  I believed I was a concubine in the house of my Lord, and not His bride.  I believed I was somehow excluded from His blessings.  I wondered if He was good.  I doubted the promises of His Word when I looked through the glasses of my experience.  On so many levels I failed to hold fast to His promises, and to Him.  I did not persevere - yet in it all I knew He never let me go, though I came close to letting go of Him.

The book of Proverbs talks about the temptress.  She masks herself as wisdom but her goal is to destroy those who love God.  It says that all who were slain by her were strong.  She is presented as an adulteress, but I doubt that adultery is the only trick in the bag.  I don't know what line she is using to get you down the stairs into her house, but I know the one she used on me was far less complex that I would have suspected.  She had been drawing me in a long time before I got to the stairwell of her house... by the time I was at her door, I already believed the lies.  By grace, I am climbing up the stairs of that house, back into the streets, searching for the real voice of wisdom and not the mimic whose lies set us up to be destroyed.

Most of the time, I try to write these posts so that anyone can understand them.  I know that this one has more "Christianese" than what is normal.  But today it is directed towards those who once loved God, those who are wondering if He really loves them, those holding on by a thread, those who have already let go, and above all for those in the midst of a dark and faraway place, whose life with God is nothing of the promises they had expected right now.  Hold on dear soldiers of Jesus Christ... Perseverance is for when it's hard.  Perseverance is for when there is no tangible reason to believe.  Perseverance is an act of the will, and sometimes every other facet of your being is telling you to stop and give in.  If you feel forgotten, if God seems silent, if your dreams have just been shattered, if your spirit is broken - hold on to Him!  Yes, it is really hard... it may be the form of betrayal, or sadness, or hurt, or ridicule, loneliness or neglect, a big life changing impact or a slow grating of events that would be insignificant on their own - whatever the case, the events have been specifically crafted to make you fall... your set of circumstances may not be unbearable for someone else, but they touch you to the depths of your heart.  Take courage friend, and continue to stand.

If you have let go, doubted, disbelieved, or wallowed... there is redemption.  Even those ashes will arise beauty... His good will overcome the evil.  His plans for you are good.  He will not leave nor forsake you.  He is able to do abundantly more than we could ask or think.  He is who He says He is.

"... our course is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our enemies will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."  Uncle Screwtape, from the Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis.  (The Screwtape letters is a fictional book of letters from Screwtape to his nephew, teaching him how to be a good demon and keep people away from the love of God.)

Porcupine

I saw him on the grass as I was biking home in the twilight... a porcupine.  He (she?) was on the grass right off of the trail.  We both stopped what we were doing and stared at each other.  I'm sure the blinking lights on my bike were mesmerizing... he let out a sound.  I had never heard a porcupine sound before.  Like a crazy person, I talked to him... told him I was thankful to have gotten to see him tonight, that I was glad that being out later-than-intended had met with this great reward, and I told him that Jesus made him.  He replied by using his back feet to scratch his belly and his chest, then he bumbled away. First he tried to climb up an evergreen tree.  His forelegs held on to the lowest branch while his back legs scuffled the bark trying to get some traction.  No luck.  After about a minute he gave up... scratched again, let out another sound.  Then he bumbled along towards me, then veered off onto the trail and walked out of sight.  Now I was the one mesmerized watching him... I stayed until he was completely out of sight.  Though I have seen some great porcupines in the wild before, I had never had quite this kind of variety show before.  It was delightful.

So why was I so excited about a moaning, awkward, non-tenacious creature like this?  To understand my thrill, you must understand something else.  My parents had a pet porcupine before I was born.  Albert was found as a baby, starving in the garden.  My dad, always kind to animals, nursed him back to health with patience and gentleness.  In return Albert looked to my dad as his mother.  So, having heard those stories from forever, I've always had a special place for the little critters, even though I almost never saw one in the wild when I was growing up.  Then, in the days after my dad died, a porcupine hung around the farm.  And it reminded me of the goodness and kindness and gentleness in my dad.  It also reminded me of the kindness of another Father, whom I believe gave the porcupine as a gift to our family in those most difficult of days.  Evidence that even if it was a long time ago, something special and unique and happy happened in our lives... and a wonderful memory was born.

So now, spotting a porcupine gives me a thankful nostalgia, for the father who loved a starving little critter back to life, and another Father who fervently does the same.  

Spring

Let me tell you about a typical Canadian "spring" day I experienced.  Walked to school in the sunshine; walked home in a snowstorm... but the sun was still shining.  On the way home I saw both a (yes, a - single, one) car covered in snow (all others weren't), and the first tinge of green in the partially snow covered grass.  A typically Albertan Spring day... winter and summer, dying and living, both alive in the same moment.  To those not from here, it seems impossible.    

Spring has been hard coming this year in Alberta... unseasonably cold with lots of snow (For emphasis, I'm still working on this post April 14th and we got another dump of snow today... and again now that it's the 24th).  In fact, it can be hard to believe that Spring is coming at all.  But I have faith that it is coming, for spring has followed every winter that has come before.  Because of this faith, I can see signs everywhere that winter is about to give way to new life.  I see it in longer days, buds forming on dead branches, and grass that offers a tinge of colour.  I can even see it in big wet snowflakes.   All circumstances further strengthen my hope because every minute sign announcing spring's arrival is met with anticipation, and these sightings in turn build my faith that it will be here soon.  It is a wonderful positive feedback system.

However, it's made me think ... I wish that I believed in God the way that I believe in Spring.

The truth is, He is more impending than the seasons, more reliable than the sun, and more faithful than the birds that return year after year.  

Though I feel the exploration of this idea is far from finished, I also feel like it's time to post anyways... But I do want to say that I am thankful for a Son that shines in the storms.

It's a long one...

Scroll to Feb. 18th if you're looking for something new...

Waxed

Does anyone out there still know what the slang "waxed" means?  As in "this morning I totally waxed outside of my building".  Apparently it's old school... just wondering how many people can still remember what it means.  The new word is "biffed" incase anyone's interested.  

Epiphany

Not as the world gives, I give to you... this is one of God's promises to those of this earth.  To be honest, there are times when I struggle with that... when the world's promises seem so good. More specifically, worldly promises that thread truth though them, enough to make me forget that they're not quite God's.  The world's promises are intriguing; they don't live in the land of black and white, as they are too artfully crafted to exist without shades to deepen them.  And - adding to their complexity - they are not completely wrong.

Another one of God's promises is that we will reap what we sow.  It is stated strongly in the Bible, and emphasizes that God will not be mocked.  Our behaviours will catch up with us, both the seen and the unseen.  We won't get away with anything.  On the flip side, the Bible also alludes to blessing those who do good.  So doesn't it just make sense then that how we live wills into our lives good and evil, joy and pain?  God gave man freewill, and from that freewill we make choices.  Doesn't it go without saying that those choices lure into our lives blessings or curses?  

I've had conversations lately with all sorts of people, all sorts of backgrounds, all sorts of beliefs, and spanning these beliefs is a similar idea: whatever you give to the world is what you will get back.  It's packaged with a variety of words, has different spiritual views and philosophies, but essentially the same.  Isn't that what I believe?  Didn't those other faiths and good people borrow that concept from the Bible?

I wanted to accept that logic easily, but I was torn.  Wasn't this philosophy essentially of reaping what you sow?  So why wasn't it sitting right in the deepest part of me?  I went to ask God about it... and His answer was a revelation.  He brought me back to the basics of who He is and what He's doing in people's lives.  I must confess the context for our conversation was me complaining to God that I feel like I sow more than I reap.

What He said to me was: "I'm not trying to make it up to you."  

Those words blossomed an epiphany.  He is not karma-Jesus. 

There is a freedom that comes in understanding that God's blessings aren't dependent on me. Maybe, if I dig deeper, I will find that "blessing" doesn't have the same definition in His dictionary as it does in mine.  I think "fun, easy, effortless"; like people being nice to me, finding money on the sidewalk, and completely perfect health.  It's not that those things aren't good... but I believe God thinks deeper; more like "growth, perseverance, courage".  So He creates opportunities to live well through adversity, be vulnerable, and learn to forgive. Circumstances we would "will" into our lives cannot bear such fruit.

To be clear, I'm not suggesting that God doesn't reward faithfulness; I'm just saying He doesn't owe us what we want.  It is important to remember that the Bible tells us that He loves us... has a future and a hope for us, full of good and not evil.  The Bible says that all of our needs are met in Him... and even that He delights in giving us good things.  But be cautious believing the image the world wishes was Him - that He is rushing about heaven, trying to orchestrate more good events than are bad.  He is not weighing the nice acts I've done and making sure the equivalent is returned to me in nice things back.  Karma-Jesus doesn't exist; Savior, redeemer, hope-future-plan-for-you Jesus does.  Not as the world gives He gives to you.    

Burned

Though I usually write about events that have actually happened, today is going to be a bit of a thought rabbit trail.  It begins with fact, moves quickly to fiction, and ends in philosophy. Sound facinating?  OK then, let's start...

Fact:  I was gone from my house for over an hour yesterday - and left a candle burning.  This is especially bad because I have one Nugs who lost her whiskers to same said candle a couple of years ago. When I got home, visions of potential disaster flitted through my head.  Such as...

Fiction:  The house burned down, or in the least was very damaged.  Though it would be an opportunity to meet the local fire department, I would feel like a tool (not fiction).  Next thought: "What do I need to do to make sure that NEVER happens?"  Several factors contributed to the house (potentially) burning down, so several options exist that could break the cycle of possibility. Such as...

1. Take a look around before leaving... write myself a note on the door if I have to - "blow out candle" - so that I'll do just that.

2. Never EVER buy a candle again... crazy dangerous things!  How could I have been so stupid to have been enticed to buy a candle in the first place?  I can never be trusted with a candle again.  It wouldn't be right to forgive myself and as penance I'll subject myself to this punishment.

3. Never EVER light a candle again - even though I love them... maybe I should expand this to include birthday candles - because look where it almost got me!  

4. Get rid of the Nugs.  The candle itself was in a safe container in a safe place - only she could cause this disaster - it would be HER fault!  Make her pay! (in advance...)

5. Change?  Meh... nothing happened.  Who cares?

Philosophizing:  Most of those options are extreme, I know... but here's the thing: don't we take similar routes for other bad choices we've made in the past?  Don't we overcompensate for past experiences to make SURE we will never be hurt like that again, and blame ourselves, deprive ourselves, and mistrust ourselves?  Do we blame others - even before we know them - just because they COULD hurt us; and if they do it would be our own stupid fault.  Or maybe we strengthen our resilience to believe there is absolutely nothing wrong with ME and the choices I've made... and then repeat dangerous and hurtful habits just to prove to ourselves those offenses didn't really matter.

So I left a candle burning.  It could have been bad, and I need to make sure it doesn't happen again.  But the HOW is really important.  A lot of ways of prevention are arsonists to our souls. Yes the past can burn us, but we're the ones who pick at it and don't let it heal... there is a better Way.

Giving Directions

I'm in a new city... a new place... a whole new world.  And in that world today, as I was walking home from school, someone asked me for directions.  This man was not from here, had just come from Ft. Mac, didn't have enough money for the bus... he really needed to find the address on the location as soon as possible... he was looking for the Salvation Army.  He had already asked several people where to go, and got different answers from each one... his feet hurt... he was visibly tired... he needed rest.

Now I have been exploring the city a fair bit on foot, and when he showed me the address, I could see the problem - he was on the wrong side of the river.  You see, the river snakes through Edmonton, making certain avenues and almost every street appear on both sides.  My foot journey the other day had taken me to an address I thought not too far from the one this man was showing me.  So after several minutes, this gentleman was on his way, his gratitude evident, and he thanked me for taking the time to help him... "finally", he said, finally someone who steered him the right way.

On the way home, I thanked God for the opportunity to be involved in this man's journey today. I was glad that I was on that street corner at the same time; glad I could be helpful, useful, a blessing in this man's day.

It's 7 hours later now... and I just looked up the address on the map.  I sent him to the wrong side of the river.  In a sitcom, it would make a great episode; in real life it stinks.  A tired man, alone in a big city, looking for help, weary from his journey, was led astray. In his world, it doesn't matter what my intentions were, the reality is that I was just one more person who didn't help him get where he needed to go.  He has already suffered for my mistake.

Maybe this is dramatic.  By now, even with the detour, I would hope that he has been somewhere warm and safe and dry for a few hours; hopefully he is well fed and sleeping as I type.  But it has gotten me thinking about really knowing the directions - for the roads in the city or the roads in life.  When somebody asks, you've got to be sure.  I think I need to go and study the Map... 

Don't know what you got 'til it's gone

My new place of residence is adjacent to the Legislative grounds.  I've wanted to explore it ever since arriving here because of the beautiful lights on the trees as part of the Christmas decorations.  A skating rink (there all season) and ice sculptures complete the effect... it is a beautiful wonderland.  

Sunday evening an old and dear friend came to visit, and because the wonderland was calling to us, we ventured out in the cold to experience it.  Carpe it (pronounced Carp for us:)), as we would (and did) say.  Not only were the lights and the sculptures and the rink beautiful, but God threw lightly falling snow and a full moon into the package too... so rotic.  Though we were cold and a little wet by the time we got back to the apartment, we were so thankful that beauty is something that makes each of us rejoice inside.

I was even more thankful the next night walking home from school.  The lights were gone.  Had we not taken that perfect opportunity, there wouldn't have been any opportunity at all.  It got me thinking... what else in life is like that?  What is an opportunity today that may not be tomorrow?  What will be mourned if the chance is lost?

I believe the loss would be impactful in 2 ways.  The first is the obvious; the enjoyment of the experience.  It was so much fun to be there with a good friend and delight in the elements and the beauty.  We created another memory to cherish.  The second loss is more subtle; miss these opportunities too often, and you may forget that you loved them at all.  A beautiful park becomes no longer alluring, and is no longer a reminder of how you were made, and essentially of who you are.  It is the very matter regret is made of.  

So I don't know what opportunities are wavering for you this day, and certainly don't know when the window to use them will close.  But maybe, just maybe, you and I should consider carefully what is set before us.  Whichever way we choose, it will be life changing.

New Post

Hey Folks, 

New post, scroll down to Nov. 16th...

Check ya later, ST