Embarrassed

It was only a handful of coins... about $4 worth, I think.  You know, the ones at the bottom of your purse or your pocket that clink when you walk and you dig through every now and then for exact change.  Maybe organized people even save them and roll them once in a while, I don't know.

This morning in church they took the monthly benevolent offering.  Money specifically for those in our church who don't have enough for the basics.  When they made the announcement, my heart was prompted to give, but when I reached for my wallet it wasn't there... it was at home.  So I remembered the change pocket and thought about it, but when it came down to the swirl of activity of offering plates and awkwardness, the change I was holding in my hand didn't make it in.

Do you want to know why?  Bottom line: because I was embarrassed.  Embarrassed of a handful of change, of the sound it would make, of what it would look like to put coins in a plate filled with paper.  I justified it all the way home, "it's only a few dollars; God knows your heart and that you wanted to give; you'll give another time" kind of talk.  But you know, God prompted me to give today... and so that means with whatever was in my hand today.  

I wonder what He wanted to do with it... maybe buy me some faith?  I am hoping today will service to give me courage for next time - to look more outwardly than inwardly, and not be embarrassed about what I've been given to give.