Jane Doe

It was neither a dark nor a stormy night. The moon was full, and as it was the summer solstice in Alberta, far into the northern hemisphere - so not very dark at almost midnight. I was with a stranger I don't know, though for those hours she was my best friend. We had been placed in the bush country of Nordegg together as adventure race volunteers. We got a little adventure of our own.

Driving along the highway at 23:30 that night, in the twilight hour, in the stillness of the wind, we saw her. Broken and bloodied, she lay still in the middle of one lane of the highway: Jane Doe. She was hazardous - big enough to cause an accident and difficult to see. She received our compassion - what a horrible way to die. So my new friend, compelled by a memory of her past that I don't know, suggested we move her. As we exited our car and walked towards her, there was a great twist added to the story - she wasn't dead yet.

It took us quite a few minutes to decide what to do. The danger factor was still real for passing motorists. The compassion factor was even greater now as we looked on this helpless, hurting creature. She was going to die, we couldn't help that. Damage had been done that we couldn't reverse. "May You grant us wisdom, O Lord" was my prayer... this was a situation I had no idea what the best thing to do was.

We didn't have a gun, and though we talked about using a knife to slit her throat, neither of us wanted to do it. One memory that flashed before my eyes was of a cat we had when I was a teenager that got caught in the fan belt of a car. Even though he was missing both hind legs and his tail, he didn't want to die. I applied that memory to Jane Doe - even though she was in pain, I didn't think she wanted to die.

We discussed strategy on how to move her - there was too much traffic that night to let her stay on the road. Her legs were too broken to touch - it would be too painful, and her head would have to be supported. So combining any training I'd had with human trauma patients and my friend's knowledge from med school, we came up with a plan. One of us would pull her from the armpits, the other support her head, and we'd get her off the highway as painlessly as possible. She struggled and kicked when we came near her, but I found she would calm when I stroked her side and talked gently to her.

We donned socks as gloves and got started. She was not heavy, but moving her was awkward. As gently as possible, we pulled her off of the highway. She died in our arms. If we had known her death was that imminent, we probably would have left her to die "peacefully" and saved her the trauma of moving her. It's quite likely that our touch contributed to fear that made her heart give out even faster... hindsight is always 20-20.

So much of life is doing the best you can with what you've got at the time. Just like our night with Jane, there are times we have to act and have no idea what to do. Maybe someday life will teach me a lesson so that if I ever come across this situation again, I will know exactly what to do. But in learning that lesson, I can't judge myself for decisions I've made in the past. Same goes for you - you can't regret your past choices when you did the best you knew how at the time.

I guess that's the point of this post, and maybe the whole point of that night with Jane and my new friend. Thank you Jane that your last moments gave me an opportunity to grow. Thank you new friend that your old memory led us to take that opportunity. Thank You Lord for wisdom you gave us to do the best we could with what we had. Now that this event itself is a memory, may it fuel the ability to make better choices for the future - without that future self condemning me for who I am now.

They don't fit

Coming back to "normal" life after an adventure always takes adjustments. This time, the life I've returned to is similar to - but not the same as - the one I left. Same job; different responsibility level and different crew. Same city; different house and living arrangements. Same friends; different places in life. Even the April weather was almost identical to the September that I left. In the early days of being back, I almost believed I'd never left.

Returning after being away a while is like putting on a pair of old jeans and finding they don't fit anymore. At times when you're away, you just think about them and how comfortable they feel. Problem is, you're never the same size when you return. Parts grow, parts change, some parts warp... but whatever the differences, those jeans don't feel the same.

The scientific term for all of this is reverse culture shock... I like to think of it as evidence of growth. No, I am not the same as when I left, but wasn't that the point? Doesn't everyone leave - whether for a 5* vacation or a remote missions trip; 5 days or 5 years - so that they (at least slightly) become a different person than when they left? Some seek renewal, some rest, some persective, some purpose. All want to cope better, understand more, enjoy more fully, see more clearly and live better these remaining days that make up our lives.

For me, being away is most often transforming... experience is a tool God uses for me to not be conformed to this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. It involves seeing what once was normal in a different light, and reacting as who I am now. Sometimes there is an intense desire to just be who I was, but it becomes impossible to be that person honestly.

I encourage each of you in that journey, wherever you're going, to let it transform you. We are loved too much to not be given circumstances to grow. The obvious opportunities are the ones that use airplanes, languages, and diverse cultures as the mediums. The important opportunities are what surround us everyday as we seek to be world changers in the communities we're in now.

The point of yesterday is always to prepare us for today. So friends, wherever you are, in whatever place, take the best from all you've known and bloom where you've been planted. No matter how you feel, you have been made ready for that. So let yourself be transformed by the days gone by - and get some new jeans.