Waxed

Does anyone out there still know what the slang "waxed" means?  As in "this morning I totally waxed outside of my building".  Apparently it's old school... just wondering how many people can still remember what it means.  The new word is "biffed" incase anyone's interested.  

Epiphany

Not as the world gives, I give to you... this is one of God's promises to those of this earth.  To be honest, there are times when I struggle with that... when the world's promises seem so good. More specifically, worldly promises that thread truth though them, enough to make me forget that they're not quite God's.  The world's promises are intriguing; they don't live in the land of black and white, as they are too artfully crafted to exist without shades to deepen them.  And - adding to their complexity - they are not completely wrong.

Another one of God's promises is that we will reap what we sow.  It is stated strongly in the Bible, and emphasizes that God will not be mocked.  Our behaviours will catch up with us, both the seen and the unseen.  We won't get away with anything.  On the flip side, the Bible also alludes to blessing those who do good.  So doesn't it just make sense then that how we live wills into our lives good and evil, joy and pain?  God gave man freewill, and from that freewill we make choices.  Doesn't it go without saying that those choices lure into our lives blessings or curses?  

I've had conversations lately with all sorts of people, all sorts of backgrounds, all sorts of beliefs, and spanning these beliefs is a similar idea: whatever you give to the world is what you will get back.  It's packaged with a variety of words, has different spiritual views and philosophies, but essentially the same.  Isn't that what I believe?  Didn't those other faiths and good people borrow that concept from the Bible?

I wanted to accept that logic easily, but I was torn.  Wasn't this philosophy essentially of reaping what you sow?  So why wasn't it sitting right in the deepest part of me?  I went to ask God about it... and His answer was a revelation.  He brought me back to the basics of who He is and what He's doing in people's lives.  I must confess the context for our conversation was me complaining to God that I feel like I sow more than I reap.

What He said to me was: "I'm not trying to make it up to you."  

Those words blossomed an epiphany.  He is not karma-Jesus. 

There is a freedom that comes in understanding that God's blessings aren't dependent on me. Maybe, if I dig deeper, I will find that "blessing" doesn't have the same definition in His dictionary as it does in mine.  I think "fun, easy, effortless"; like people being nice to me, finding money on the sidewalk, and completely perfect health.  It's not that those things aren't good... but I believe God thinks deeper; more like "growth, perseverance, courage".  So He creates opportunities to live well through adversity, be vulnerable, and learn to forgive. Circumstances we would "will" into our lives cannot bear such fruit.

To be clear, I'm not suggesting that God doesn't reward faithfulness; I'm just saying He doesn't owe us what we want.  It is important to remember that the Bible tells us that He loves us... has a future and a hope for us, full of good and not evil.  The Bible says that all of our needs are met in Him... and even that He delights in giving us good things.  But be cautious believing the image the world wishes was Him - that He is rushing about heaven, trying to orchestrate more good events than are bad.  He is not weighing the nice acts I've done and making sure the equivalent is returned to me in nice things back.  Karma-Jesus doesn't exist; Savior, redeemer, hope-future-plan-for-you Jesus does.  Not as the world gives He gives to you.    

Burned

Though I usually write about events that have actually happened, today is going to be a bit of a thought rabbit trail.  It begins with fact, moves quickly to fiction, and ends in philosophy. Sound facinating?  OK then, let's start...

Fact:  I was gone from my house for over an hour yesterday - and left a candle burning.  This is especially bad because I have one Nugs who lost her whiskers to same said candle a couple of years ago. When I got home, visions of potential disaster flitted through my head.  Such as...

Fiction:  The house burned down, or in the least was very damaged.  Though it would be an opportunity to meet the local fire department, I would feel like a tool (not fiction).  Next thought: "What do I need to do to make sure that NEVER happens?"  Several factors contributed to the house (potentially) burning down, so several options exist that could break the cycle of possibility. Such as...

1. Take a look around before leaving... write myself a note on the door if I have to - "blow out candle" - so that I'll do just that.

2. Never EVER buy a candle again... crazy dangerous things!  How could I have been so stupid to have been enticed to buy a candle in the first place?  I can never be trusted with a candle again.  It wouldn't be right to forgive myself and as penance I'll subject myself to this punishment.

3. Never EVER light a candle again - even though I love them... maybe I should expand this to include birthday candles - because look where it almost got me!  

4. Get rid of the Nugs.  The candle itself was in a safe container in a safe place - only she could cause this disaster - it would be HER fault!  Make her pay! (in advance...)

5. Change?  Meh... nothing happened.  Who cares?

Philosophizing:  Most of those options are extreme, I know... but here's the thing: don't we take similar routes for other bad choices we've made in the past?  Don't we overcompensate for past experiences to make SURE we will never be hurt like that again, and blame ourselves, deprive ourselves, and mistrust ourselves?  Do we blame others - even before we know them - just because they COULD hurt us; and if they do it would be our own stupid fault.  Or maybe we strengthen our resilience to believe there is absolutely nothing wrong with ME and the choices I've made... and then repeat dangerous and hurtful habits just to prove to ourselves those offenses didn't really matter.

So I left a candle burning.  It could have been bad, and I need to make sure it doesn't happen again.  But the HOW is really important.  A lot of ways of prevention are arsonists to our souls. Yes the past can burn us, but we're the ones who pick at it and don't let it heal... there is a better Way.

Giving Directions

I'm in a new city... a new place... a whole new world.  And in that world today, as I was walking home from school, someone asked me for directions.  This man was not from here, had just come from Ft. Mac, didn't have enough money for the bus... he really needed to find the address on the location as soon as possible... he was looking for the Salvation Army.  He had already asked several people where to go, and got different answers from each one... his feet hurt... he was visibly tired... he needed rest.

Now I have been exploring the city a fair bit on foot, and when he showed me the address, I could see the problem - he was on the wrong side of the river.  You see, the river snakes through Edmonton, making certain avenues and almost every street appear on both sides.  My foot journey the other day had taken me to an address I thought not too far from the one this man was showing me.  So after several minutes, this gentleman was on his way, his gratitude evident, and he thanked me for taking the time to help him... "finally", he said, finally someone who steered him the right way.

On the way home, I thanked God for the opportunity to be involved in this man's journey today. I was glad that I was on that street corner at the same time; glad I could be helpful, useful, a blessing in this man's day.

It's 7 hours later now... and I just looked up the address on the map.  I sent him to the wrong side of the river.  In a sitcom, it would make a great episode; in real life it stinks.  A tired man, alone in a big city, looking for help, weary from his journey, was led astray. In his world, it doesn't matter what my intentions were, the reality is that I was just one more person who didn't help him get where he needed to go.  He has already suffered for my mistake.

Maybe this is dramatic.  By now, even with the detour, I would hope that he has been somewhere warm and safe and dry for a few hours; hopefully he is well fed and sleeping as I type.  But it has gotten me thinking about really knowing the directions - for the roads in the city or the roads in life.  When somebody asks, you've got to be sure.  I think I need to go and study the Map...