Sunday, 16 November 2008

Had the sun never left, I would have stayed forever.

I spent a couple of hours yesterday afternoon sitting by a river in rural Costa Rica. Unlike most of the other afternoons I've been here, there was no rain - just 25C, the sun, a breeze, and the beauty of the jungle all around us.
Warmth is a wonderful thing... one of the things I treasure and appreciate most, both literally and figuratively. I sat on a rock and read a book, soaking in the heat and loving every moment. All too soon, it was time to go and prepare for the darkness that would set in without warning... the equatorial sun is not like the northern sun; there is no twilight here. So I left the sun in it's empty sky, left the rock that was sharing its heat, left the river, the breeze, the birds, and butterflies... left the paradise of a perfect day.
That leaving was weeks ago now. Yesterday's leaving was of a different kind. I resigned my job of almost 6 years to go back to school. Why? Because I believe it's what God is asking me to do... the journey to bring me here has been rocky and humbling, but through it He is teaching me to believe how trustworthy He is.
When I first began working here, I came across a quote that said "one half of knowing what you want in knowing what you must give up to get it." It was impacting, and since then has remained in my file folder reminding me that someday I would need its advice. Yesterday was officially that day.
I don't know what my new city and new life will hold for me, or if it will be even close to what my logic surmises it will be. But I'm hoping that it will include warmth... maybe literally only from a space-heater and a blanket... but I'm hoping figuratively it will be an entity that will flood my being into my home and through my hands. I hope also it will be shared with me from those who will soon be part of my new life. And if it doesn't, I know that God is capable enough to keep me warm inside and towards others, for it is the way He is.
Figurative warmth can be like a memory you can recall like another place far far away. Closing your eyes you can remember how it felt, you know you were there, but only in memory is it alive... all evidence of today fails to reproduce it.
I am here now... in a 500 square foot apartment, with a cat, a laptop and the homework to make use of it.  It hasn't sunk in yet that this is to be my new life for a while.  Perhaps for a long while... But I am here now, as much as I was there at the fire hall, and as much as I sat on that rock on the edge of the river the day the sun was splendid in its perfect sky.  The delight of that moment is available here, somewhere... my job now is to find it.  So search for it I must... and I'll keep you posted on that journey.

1 comment:

Kelly Blanch said...

Well done there girl - you are brilliant